Its sad when i have like 5 friends thats say im in a unfair relationship, only to realize that i am.
I hate when relationships get all wonky like this. Make me just wanna go back to being a swinger.
Idk, just getting mighty tired of the same old shit.

~jox~

So after along argument

i lost 2 ppl i thought were close to me

well more so one cause the one i lost ages ago

but it made me realize

fuck everyone XD

im tired of being close with alot of ppl and getting hurt

so for now on im only gonna be close with my mate and the rest can burn for all i care

if you want to know my personal side then im gonna change the subject or not answer

that is all

~Jox~

    Well its that time again where im posting due to extreme depression and not knowing how to keep my mind from going insane. So much has happened since my last post...i cant even remeber my last post. I got a shit job but it isnt all to bad..at least 2-5 days are fun =/

Furfright was a blast till the last night when i ran into someone that brought up the past (person that my mate cheated on me with)

I fell into bad habits on relieveing stress..still trying to get away from that but hah im to the point where i dont care

Ive basicly giving up on relationships...ill keep hopes but im not pursuing em anymore

Tired of things blowing up on me...most of which was uncalled for

In the process of losing someone real close to me tonight

*sighs* just so much i dont like...like for instince..love my job...love having the extra money..some days are shit but thats any job out there...but im to the point where i dont even care tonight...id rather find a hole and waist away like my ex told me to do years ago...thats more tempting then doing anything ealse right now

other then that i been trying to figure out what to do with my life

i can never come to a solid answer...something will sound great but then after a hour or so ill change my mind...first was bartending...that is still better then the rest in my eyes...others was school for like drawing..that died quick cause im not THAT good at drawing so i would have to start from scratch...
and another one was school for designing clothes and stuff...that would be amazing but i will never be able to afford collage...so unless i find a trade school that will do that near by ill be s.o.l.

but for now my "habbits" of reliving stress is kicking in so im done typing..im done doing everything
even tried drawing and did 2 pretty decent drawings but that got me no where...actully made it worse

but yea im done typing

~J~

  So it has been awhile.

Well i came to terms with school and quit b4 i was giving the boot..dont owe as much as i thought but still owe a huge amount (to my eyes). Other then that just relaxing and trying to find a job that will stick around.
Went to AC..spent more time then i wanted to doing the finishing touches to Iowa's suit. Neck zipper and paw had to be adjusted but him and Mid said they could handle that (i was kinda happy since that would of kept me in the room longer). But for the little time i was out and bout it was fun. Started to work with my dad went there one day thought i did good and then his boss said they didnt want me so that sucked but im not gonna worry bout it.

Um what ealse...

basicly the same ol' same ol'

lately been sitting around thinking of if i had money to just go out and buy some land.
Getting very tired of living with parents with each day gone by. Had the amazing morning of my dad screaming at me and picking fights. Twas quite fun. Had to leave at one point so i wouldnt hit the wall OR him.
But yea fun times

Um idk what ealse but for now im just gonna go back to reading

cya! ^^

So dealing with school is proving to suck. XD

I haven't been able to pay the bill since i basically started.
I received a letter in the mail basicly saying im going to be kicked out if i dont come up with the 600
i owe and since my parents are dealing with the 6G they owe to the gov' im not gonna be getting that so in
other words im forced to bite the bullet and get the boot. Im gonna be talking with them tommrrow to see what i can do.

Most likely just be getting the boot but im gonna see if its possible to take a absence of leave and come up with the amount thats due to be paid off. Im hoping i at least finish this class which i know wont happen since it just started XD

but yay for more money problems ^^

i love how everything in this world revolves around it god its so amazing

i just wanna burn every freaking dollar and currency in the world XD

but thats me and my weird self ^^ i just hate depts

and speaking of which

if i get kicked out thats 49G sitting on me to be paid within a year ^^ so yay

but i dont care

ill just get a job and live with a friend and slowly pay it and try to get my credit back to a good state if it happens to go that way.

like my grand father always said "hope for the best, expect the worst" :P

~Joxy~

        So its been awhile

I FINALY got my fursuit.,...feet arent quiet done but still got everything ealse
Missing teeth and tounge but that will come in time ^^

I have to say....Anthrocon..pure..amazing...

SO many ppl said it was good then alot said it stinks its to big cant do everything blah
i Only went to 2 panels and fursuiter most of the other times...i didnt even see 2 :P

but idc i had a major blast

oh pic of my suit right  

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y81/Panther631/AC09/Anthrocon2009384Large.jpg

other then that just trying to get a job...failed my written test and past it on the rebound

next is the driving part...-.-

but yay i got my perment woo!

um what ealse....

got my otter fur made out and working on paws for a partial atm....cant figure out the webbed fingers though.. oh well itll hit me one day

um what ealse what ealse...

hmmm

im addicted to xbox 360...and i dont even own one XD

Furfright is up in the air for me atm...

trying to take a trip to cali in march so that takes all my money..and if i dont get a job i wont be doing anything

not to mention AC is a few months after that...so hopfully i get a job thats leanent..

hmm.. new new new....hmm i got some nice things from ac

oh oh and i got into the game "sly cooper" today... i didnt think it would be this good =o

but yea theres my update..ill put more if anything comes to mind


cya round the bend!!!

~Jox~

      Well it seems like its that time again where it feels like im distant with ppl again. Woke up at 8 am this morning and i
never wake up without help this early. But yea havent made any progress with the smoking issue. My mom swears to give me at least 400 towards ac which i doupt will be enough for it...i highly doupt it actuly. Im starting to feel like all these headackes arent worth it. I mean i been looking forward and wishing i could go that past 2 years this one will be the 3rd. But mabey i just have a way with screwing things up XD. Oh well

In other news i Had a blast art sonars b-day party yesterday..the food was great.
um wishing i had a xbox
a job XD or at least a little tiny bit of income.

idk thought it be time for a update XD

Oh went to the cape may furmeet last weekend i beleave...it was a very great time ^^
met a few new furs. most of em seem pretty great. only thing that woulda made that day perfect is
if i had some money for a plushie T.T.
That guys otter plushes/puppet was amazing ^^

anyways

just sitting here in my hot room wondering if my brother will call me soon.
and just debating if i should try and lay back down or not

for now theres my update >.<

This is gonna be a a post dedicated to rants.

((each rant(s) are brought up by one person and i just add all the ppl over the past few years into it))

This is what im gonna do to releave some steam since im having alot
of anger and i havent even quited yet

To Start this

I hate ppl who use drugs that blames things on the drugs.
Oh i dumped you cause i was trippin
oh i got in a accident and killed a young girl cause i was stoned
AND I said them things cause i was HIGH.

WELL i hate to break it to you..IT WAS STILL YOU WHO DID IT

it wasnt no fucking demon that posessed your body, get over it
and just fucking accept it and try to make it better stop blaming it on shit

Next your gonna swear to quit...if you succeed what will come from that
youll just blame it on something ealse
OH it was steve he was poking me thats why i ran off the road
oh i why changing the station when i ran that light
oh i had ear phones on and forgot bout the stove so thats why the house burnt down

hmm well lets see what looks familiar..geuss what it is

ITS STILL YOU WHO FUCKING neglcted everything that actully was importanat or serious

but nooo dont tell me that then ill be sad and blah

get over it be a true man like most of you claim to be
be a TRUE man and prove me that my thoughts are wrong
prove to me that all them things took over control of you and
inabled you to do the right thing THEN i will smile feel better and apologise to you
but sadly i used to do alot of bad shit and most drugs out there so proving it is
impossible so learn to accepts your failure dumbass


Now for a different rant.

So theres this goat fur or ex fur i kno online
He swears he no longer a fur and doesnt like any furs and doesnt talk to em anymore

then why talk to me eh?
So im sitting here listening to him talk bout his bday and weed and coke and blah..and im just basicly saying ok ya cool nice blah just to keep him
happy that im not ignoring em
but then i had to ask. If he hates furries sooo dam much. Why have one as your display pic?
so i figured id ask em
He says oh i use that for everything..im like hmmm ok then
then he jumps on the shit on furs train and starts going im not a fur cause i use that
im not a dog raping horse fucking weirdo.
So im like..wtf?
and im like dude what are you talking bout beastiality IS NOT what the fandom is
he says 99.9% of it is...well
i bite my lip and try to find out why this FAKE fur person saying this bout something he has been into for 2 years
he says he was only in it for his ex. so im like understandable but that doesnt bring the zoo part into anything
so he says the what idk 6 furs he used to talk to online was all into it..
so heres where i lost it
YOU dont judge a whole fucking fandom of over 4000 ppl saying the are all fucking sick and fucking dogs and shit
he gos on and on. I dont see how five makes up enough for thousands.
So i start getting shitty with him and i geuss it finaly clicked with him that IM A FURRY!
and hes saying oh god..im sorry blah
and then gos right back to saying but all the ones i know
even if it was one hundred and fucking forty. That isnt even a dent into the fandom
and the sad thing what i got from all this...hes never met a fur in rl and the very few he knows was all online
well hate to break it to you guys. Most of the ones onine are well.. lets see..the ones mentaly sick or emo or weird or something along those lines. The ones that are online 24/7 are always odd.
Its just amazing how someone can just right off and judge a whole fandom just by what those 5 furs liked.
Dont get me wrong what you do behind closed doors is all up to you
if your a zoo fan so be it..just dont come up to me with that shit
it will just put more fire on his side.

but so far thats what all annoyed me within the past what 6 hours so far?

but meh its online its all shits and giggles but that crap bout furries is brought out in rl and it really disturbs me
everyone has there fetish but come on doesnt mean every single person of a fandom is that

realtes to my dad..he says all furs are faggots..it pisses me off but i have better change proving the goat wrong
b4 him. My dad is just to stuborn. And dont ask me how he got ahold of the all furs are gay or bi cause hes retarded
he doesnt know how to use a computer and knows nothing of them. But i geuss it follows..oh well your gay eric and you like that so it must be gay to
oh hes your friend so hes also gay. People like that just really piss me off. All them kind of ppl can just eat a fucking stick of dynomite and go blow the hell out of all there ranting and disgrimitive self

for now im going to bed im tired of ppls ways of trying to prove something to me by saying it in that way

kthanksbye


Back again

Someone just got shitty with me cause i was a dick to em bout something

he yells at me cause he thinks i have a prob with his so called boy friend.
Truthfully i could care less bout that..his life he can do what he wants
my prob is all i hear anymore is how good and blah and amzing and i dont give a shit
i cant point out a bad thing bout everyone and throw it in your face.
Christ we are human NO one is perfect and will never be no matter what you say
like me im very very far from perfect. Now you wanna go and make me feel like shit for bragging and basicly a big fuck you  cause you have someone and i dont well you can go rott in hell ^^

I dont care who you are if your alone and dont have someone to hold you dont wanna hear that shit
i got more important shit then your stupied words bout some guy that has alot of flaws.
So if you have someone special keep it to yourself with all the crap
i can deal with it if its a once in a blue moon thing..but if thats all you ever say? then got to hell right now
cause no one wants you as a friend if thats all they hear. People change to much for my liking.
And it seems the more southern De furs i meet and learn about they always piss me off or hurt me.
So im curious bout just cutting off anyone from far south de. Seems like there socil skills are like giving  a retarded kid a stick of dynomite and some matches. They dont make any sense with anything they say
and jump from topic to topic. And now i see why my dad rants about how "when i was young we used to beat up and fuck with those pussy southern ppl..you know eric anyone below the cannal are retarded and deserved to get fucked with" Sadly as much as i hate my dad im starting to feel he might have a very small chance at being right. Then again i just might be to pissed atm XD
oh well sunrise sunset
its just the internet you kno? so who gives a fuck what they say..they can just die and the fandom and other ppl will be better ^^
kid with a f

        Well i desided since im changing alot of things mind as well go ahead and actully
make one thats worth wild for myself and others. So when i wake up it will be my official first day
of quiting smoking. Ive tried b4 but always failed. Well now i got a few things that might help me not fail at it
I hate letting ppl down so thats one thing pushing on me along with other ones id rather not say.

So i geuss wish me luck

Ive been wanting to quit for awhile now but i fold under pressure when drama
comes my way. XD
Which if you cant tell its alot of times it comes my way.

Hmm im curious why someone is talking to me since he hasnt for a few weeks now. XD but oh well
idc

and curious what these cali furs i been talking to have up there sleeve. i think one actully has a crush on me again XD

idk just randomness...but yes i hope to quit soon

and atm being feed bullshit and laughing at it


but yea back on to other matters i really really hope i
can quit smoking. But if i do fail the thing is im not doing it for myself
i can care less if it kills me. Just be something i couldnt do XD

im doing it for my only close friend left thats the main reason

really hope i dont lose im like others <.<

well im gonna go listen to music and enjoy my last few smokes

nini ppl

 Well did abit of changing up with my life.

Since Two of my friends were going over bored with the depression issues i cut ends with em.
So i needed something to kill my spare time. So i made me a second fur which is a otter woo..

and done something else to never do...i picked up a religion XD

If your curious which one its "wicca".

but other then that trying to avoid depression the best i can

but not enough will power and magic can keep that away from me XD

so far its been 4 days since i been depressed soo woo so far so good

but had a funeral to go to today v.v didnt know em to well but it was relation and death is sad
for any person...no matter who you are.

But yea just trying some new things.

hoping to help spirit sometime soon with getting caught up.

But meh just trying to keep everyone happy and i keep forgeting myself XD rofl

ill go to bed early for a bonus for me =3

but yadda yadda new things less friend life blah XD

and for all the ones that have a chance with me be happy =3 your very very few that can handle this wolf  =P

hoping to hang with some new people here soon

and mabey one day the ones that rather be really mean would stop being childish XD

ill admit i was stupied for one night then i stopped and was just whatever but meh
they drug it back up. Oh well we will see where life takes it.

For now im off to study some more bout wicca

~Jox Tha Lone Wolf~